i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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