He uses pillows to masturbate.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
