if you like me you must not know who I am
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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