There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
