I want to stick my p in your. b.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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