His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
