We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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