It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
