Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
