The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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