My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
