farters have to be the big spoon...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
