My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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