i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
