Umm I'm too high to move.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
