NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
