Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
