She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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