guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
