Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
