I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
