ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
