Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
