I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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