so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize