I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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