erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
