She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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