I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
