If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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