Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
