Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
