honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
