hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
