Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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