Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
