I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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