It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
