I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
