your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
