I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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