I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
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