Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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