Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
