Will you blow on my dice?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
