i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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