Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
