There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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