YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
