can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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