Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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