Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she peed on how many people?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
