I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
