I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
