apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize