My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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