im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
