it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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