paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
