i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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