meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
