i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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