batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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