i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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