it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
