You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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