I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
