Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
