it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
