I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
