3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
